BAND MEMBER GNAWS FIST IN G8 PROTEST

The lead synthesizer operator of R&B act BUSTED today gnawed off his own wrist in a frenzy induced by the plight of children in Africa.

"It makes you think," said Charlie, Derek's chief crony and biggest cohort, "that while we may have it bad here - the plasma screen in our trailer doesn't even get HDTV, for Christ's sake - that it's even worse in countries like Africa."

Readers will be pleased to know that the high-quality jute that the make.poverty.fashionable wristband is constructed of, was not damaged in the mishap. So as to send the message home, the decapitated wrist has been sent in an ice-filled box to Prime Minister Tony Blair at the G8 summit, with the bloodied band still intact.

Derek is also spending the weekend in a special medical unit that has been damaged to the extent that it closely approximates medical conditions in Africa. Smallpox and malaria-carrying parasites have been set free in the room. This event is being carried out under the strictest Health & Safety conditions, meaning that if Derek becomes infected with either of the aforementioned diseases, he will be carried back inside to the proper hospital and treated.

More news as it unfolds.

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CONCERT RAISES $160,000 FOR STARVING BABIES IN ZIMBABWE!

Congratulations to all that attended and helped raise this astronomical figure!

Although what looks like a slight technical hitch means that the money is not yet appearing in the local bank account , Make Poverty Fashionable Inc. is confident that it has NOT gone missing in transit and has not been siphoned into a hidden tax haven by corrupt officials.